Have you ever found yourself reacting to a situation in a way that feels bigger than the situation itself? Or perhaps you keep finding yourself in similar relationships, repeating the same behaviours or experiencing the same feelings, even when you've promised yourself things will be different this time.
It can be frustrating when we feel like we're going around in circles, particularly when we're consciously trying to change.
But what if some of these patterns aren't simply habits or choices? What if they're connected to experiences, emotions and beliefs that we've been carrying with us for much longer than we realise?
Understanding what's happening beneath the surface can be an important first step towards creating lasting change.
Our past experiences shape how we see ourselves
From a very young age, we're constantly learning about ourselves and the world around us.
Our experiences, particularly those during childhood, help shape our understanding of who we are, how relationships work and what we need to do to feel safe, loved and accepted.
Sometimes these experiences are positive and supportive. Other times, they can leave us feeling rejected, criticised, overlooked or not good enough.
As children, we don't always have the emotional awareness or understanding to make sense of what's happening. Instead, we can develop beliefs about ourselves based on how we're treated or how certain situations make us feel.
For example, if you grew up feeling that you had to be well-behaved to receive approval, you might develop a belief that love and acceptance need to be earned.
If you were often criticised, you might grow up questioning your abilities or feeling that nothing you do is ever quite good enough.
And if you experienced rejection or inconsistency in relationships, you might become particularly sensitive to signs that someone is pulling away.
These beliefs can become so deeply ingrained that we don't even recognise them as beliefs. They simply become part of how we see ourselves and navigate the world.
Why do these patterns keep showing up?
Our brains are constantly trying to make sense of our experiences and anticipate what might happen next. Familiar emotional responses and behaviours can become well-established over time, particularly when they're connected to experiences that felt significant or threatening.
This is one reason we can find ourselves responding to present-day situations through the lens of our past.
For example, someone not replying to a message might trigger feelings of rejection or abandonment. Receiving constructive feedback at work might bring up an overwhelming sense of failure. Or being asked to express your needs in a relationship might leave you feeling uncomfortable, guilty or undeserving.
The situation itself might be relatively small, but the emotional response can feel enormous.
This is because we're not always responding to the situation in front of us. Sometimes we're responding to what that situation reminds us of.
When an experience triggers an old emotional wound or belief, our nervous system can respond as though we're facing something familiar all over again.
And so the pattern continues.
We might withdraw, become defensive, seek approval, overthink everything or try harder to please others. These responses can feel automatic, even when we know they're not necessarily helping us.
The good news is that once we begin to recognise these patterns, we can start to work with them differently.
Our emotions don't just live in our minds
Something I find particularly interesting about emotional wellbeing is the relationship between our thoughts, emotions and physical bodies.
Think about what happens when you're anxious. You might notice tightness in your chest, a knot in your stomach, tension in your shoulders or a feeling of unease that you can't quite explain.
When we're stressed or emotionally overwhelmed, our bodies respond too. Our nervous system, hormones, muscles and breathing patterns are all involved in how we experience emotion.
Sometimes, even when an experience is long behind us, certain reminders can bring back familiar physical sensations and emotional responses.
You might find yourself feeling tense around a particular person, experiencing a sinking feeling when you receive an email from work, or noticing your stomach tighten whenever you have to speak up for yourself.
It's not that emotions are literally stored in particular parts of the body like physical objects. Rather, our bodies can learn and repeat patterns of physiological responses associated with emotional experiences.
This mind-body connection is an important part of understanding why simply telling ourselves to think differently doesn't always work.
We can consciously know that we're safe, capable and worthy of love, but still find ourselves feeling anxious, unworthy or afraid.
Sometimes we need to work with the emotional response itself, not just the thoughts surrounding it.
How EFT can help us break these patterns
This is where Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), also known as tapping, can be a really useful tool.
Rather than trying to push uncomfortable emotions away or simply replace negative thoughts with positive ones, EFT gives us a way to gently explore what's happening underneath them.
During a session, we'll start by identifying a particular emotion, situation or recurring pattern you'd like to work through.
We then use a combination of gentle tapping on specific acupressure points and focused attention on the thoughts, feelings and physical sensations connected to that experience.
For example, if you find yourself constantly seeking approval from others, we might explore where that feeling comes from.
Perhaps there's a fear of being rejected, a belief that you're not good enough, or an earlier experience that taught you your needs weren't as important as everyone else's.
Rather than staying at the surface level of the behaviour, we can use EFT to explore the emotions and memories connected to it.
As we work through these experiences, the aim is to reduce their emotional intensity and help you develop a different relationship with them.
You might begin to feel less reactive, more comfortable expressing your needs or more confident in situations that previously triggered self-doubt.
Research into EFT has shown promising results for reducing stress and anxiety, although individual experiences vary and more research is needed to understand its full potential.
For me, one of the most valuable aspects of this work is that we're not just looking at how to manage an uncomfortable feeling in the moment. We're exploring why it might be there in the first place.
Creating a different relationship with yourself
I believe we all have the capacity to grow, change and create a different experience of life.
But sometimes, the things that hold us back aren't always obvious. They can be deeply familiar ways of thinking, feeling and behaving that we've carried for years without questioning them.
The first step isn't to judge ourselves for having these patterns or to try to force ourselves to change overnight. It's to become curious about them.
What situations tend to trigger you? What emotions keep coming up? What do you find yourself believing about yourself when things don't go to plan?
And perhaps most importantly, where might these feelings have started?
Through my EFT work, I help people gently explore these questions and work through the emotional experiences and beliefs that may be keeping them stuck.
It's about creating more awareness, releasing some of the emotional weight of the past and making space for new ways of thinking, feeling and responding.
You don't have to keep repeating the same patterns simply because they've been part of your life for a long time.
Sometimes, the greatest changes begin when we take the time to understand what's happening beneath the surface.
Ready to explore what's underneath your emotional patterns?
If you've noticed yourself repeating the same cycles or reacting to situations in ways you'd like to change, EFT can be a gentle place to start.
I'd love to support you in exploring what's coming up and working towards a greater sense of freedom, confidence and ease within yourself.